something new, something dashing.
boy, it’s been awhile. I’m in need of a rant, shall we?
10 things I’d like to say, to 10 people.
(done before, overrated, I don’t really give a shit)
#1: Just off the top of my head, I thought of you. I don’t like you. I don’t know you, yet, I don’t like you. The couple of times I’ve heard words come out of your mouth, they’ve been annoying and unsatisfying to the ears. You come off as a bitch, and from your driving ability, in which you suck, it makes you even more of a bitch. Please, I’d rather not tailgate you again to get you to pull over in the damn parking lot so I can get through. thanks.
#2: My dear, I love you to death, although quite recently you’ve been driving me nuts. It seems as though you try and push me away, but I’m sure you don’t see it as such. Give me a phone call, a text message, or something to make it seem like you still give a shit. Because quite frankly, I do still give a shit. So, ask me to kick it, because I’ve tried bunches, and you have not.
#3: Three years later and it’s as awkward as ever. I don’t want you to mope around to me, it’s not going to work. Pick your ass off the ground and do something with your life instead of complain about it. You aren’t the only person who is having a tough time, deal with it, and move on. For fucks sake, every day is a rough day, and every day is something to complain about. Especially over facebook statuses. Complaining over a FB status is the new complaining over a myspace bulletin. But this is worse, because, no matter what, it shows up in my newsfeed and I’ve got to look at it.
#4: Well we’re in a pickle aren’t we? She’s dissapointed in me, while nobody else can be dissapointed because they don’t know, we’ve got ourselves the situation of a life time. Let’s not fuck it up though. Please? Show me you care, and then we can get this show on the road.
#5: This one is for the tattoo guy: I’d like you to get back from Europe so you can reply to my e-mail, and we can set this whole appointment up. (somebody lend me 50 bucks so I can make the 100 dollar deposit).
#6: You are adorable, and you are adorable, and you two combined is just one adorable mess. I mean c’mon, stop being all cute and what-not, because I can’t wait to play wingman this Wednesday so we can finally stop pretending and get this going for-realsies.
#7: Your company is annoying, and your presence pisses me off. If you say you are going to do something, then do it. It’d help me out a lot when I come back from outdoor school and don’t have to worry about it, but of course, you didn’t do it. So now I’m here, with a shit ton of stuff, and you decide to pile more shit on me. Because it’s not my fault. Of course not. fuck you.
#8: Thank you for listening, you actually support who I am, and what I plan on doing. For once somebody gives a shit, awesome. Let’s kick it more, ya? I agree.
#9: I enjoy 2nd period with you, because, getting to know the nerdy amazing freshman is really something awesome. No saracasm should be detected, because there happens to be zip. But seriously, I’m gonna be sad at the end of the year when I’m all gone, and you kiddies are by yourself. Sad day.
#10: I miss you. And our trio of awesome. Kindergarten through 8th grade was the shit, I wish we could get that back. May we try? It was really amazing, and I’d hate to fuck it up. (: please, lets.
Friday was my eventful return from outdoor school. This week was the first week of the spring session, and it was the most stressful, tiresome, incredibly hard week of my life. But, although it was immensely difficult, it was the most rewarding. I learned so much about myself, and the world around me, more-so than any other week. The kids, although some were poo’s, were amazing. I learned so much from them, and on thursday, I bawled like a baby, then was subsequently emotionally comforted by a 12 year old. A 12 year old who had been giving me sass the whole week. Namanu is home. Namanu is reality. It’s the one place where you can be, and not be judged, not be made fun of. It’s the one place in the whole world where you can go, and be yourself. The 6th graders don’t realize it, but they teach the student leaders what it’s like to be silly. They teach us what it’s like to be a kid again, because that opportunity rarely passes us by anymore. At Outdoor school, not only do you recognize the pure need to be silly every once in awhile, but you get to step back and see how much better the world is in the forest. If only for one week, you become best friends with 
people who you would never fathom talking to in a school environment, and your inside jokes are things that are meaningless, and stupid to the outside world. You talk, share stories, sob, and laugh together as if you had known eachother for years. That’s the thing about outdoor school. It’s not awkward. The minute you step onto that soil, you’re immediately family. You’re not with strangers, people aren’t going to not talk to you, or give you funny looks. You’re welcome, and invited warmly with open arms. Even if you’re a first timer, you’re joyfully invited to the clique of returners. There are no little “groups” like a school, there is only one. And that is everybody. It sounds cheesy, and cliche, but it’s so true. Everything about outdoor school is magical.
about this week, was that these kids have gone through things not even a grown man can say he’s experienced. This is at the age of 12. It’s hard to be enthusiastic, caring, and cheerful for kids who don’t reward us with the same attitude back. But, we do it anyways. Even on Friday, we were continuing to struggle with getting kids to sing with us while waiting to enter the dining hall, and a problem that weaved it’s way throughout the week was the dining hall noise. No matter what we could do, it never went down. Inappropriate conversations ran amuck, flirting, and at one point, stealing. The thing that made the whole week worthwhile, was seeing 75% of those sassy, attitude-giving, back-talking kids cry when getting on the bus. When the ESL kids were the first kids to raise they’re hand when I asked for a volunteer to read. When the girl who just moved here from Africa got really into the field study, and continually asked questions. That, although it may not have seemed like we were affecting their lives, the way we still cared through the back-talking, and sassy attitudes, made them realize that we will always be there for them. And we did change their life in that small time capsule. I was proud of every one of my students. Not one of them proved me wrong in the 
fact that every child has the amazing capability to do something great. These kids, had so much perserverence, and interest, although it didn’t seem like it. They were indeed paying attention, they listened, were focused, and were hilarious! I know for a fact, that the girls in my cabin will continue to grow, thrive, and live, and will succeed greatly in the years to come. I truly believe this. This week was excellent, and although it may have been pesky, it was amazing. I learned so much from the experience, and gained so much knowledge on life to get me going for awhile. I thank all the sixth graders who tought me this week.
